What Women Want

So this was a blog I meant to write a while back but then Christmas happened and I’ve only just recovered from the 36-hours of single-handedly looking after my Son, which I’m still feeling very proud of.

Straight off the bat and to clarify, although the title suggests I might know, I don’t know what Women want, mainly because I’m not one and (like many other things I’m not), although I can have a perspective and opinion on things, I’ll never know what it’s truly like to be a woman, therefore I’ll never fully appreciate and understand many of the challenges they go through in life. Same can be said for trying to comprehend a Mother’ bond with their child or how it feels to be a black person living in the US; I can sympathize and try to emphasize but you can never fully understand someone else’s issues or obstacles when not in their shoes.

Being a white man, I’m not always cognisant of perhaps how lucky I am purely by default. I can pretty much go anywhere and generally be accepted. I’m also European so there aren’t too many places I need a pre-arranged visa to get to. I’ve worked with South Africans before and learned that it’s easier to list the places they can go with a South African passport than the places you cannot. I recall one friend wanting to go on holiday for Christmas and chose Zanzibar, as they didn’t need a pre-arranged visa; They could simply arrive, get their passport stamped and enjoy Christmas there. This is something many of us Europeans take for granted. Side note, I also understand Zanzibar is a lovely place to visit so there was a silver-lining there.

However, this post is not about white or black people but about Women and as mentioned, although I can never truly begin to understand what it’s really like for Women and especially Women in certain parts of the World, I can tell it from my perspective, if those same things happened to me.

As with many of my blogs, there’s usually a catalyst for taking me to the point I feel I need to vent, even if this blog isn’t read by anyone. It gives me a cathartic vehicle to enable me to process the frustration I feel about a situation.

The catalyst, which got me here is the story I heard not to long ago about Mahsa Amini and the story behind her killing at the hands of Iran’‘Morality Police’, which in layman’s terms are a bunch of misogynistic men who have licence to walk around certain permitting Countries harassing Women for their own fix of power and entertainment. ‘She’s wearing make-up, she’s on her own (no male companion), her Hijab Isn’t on right’; The excuses to harass Women are endless and completely made-up. In the case of Mahsa Amini it was the latter whereby her Hijab was allegedly misplaced on her head (it’s not even like Ms. Amini wasn’t wearing one!) This is the equivalent to me being arrested for wearing my St. Christopher pendant (my Dad bought me when I first worked overseas) incorrectly - I’m not comparing the Hijab to St. Christopher but the two represent a symbol of ones beliefs (and by ‘ones’, I mean the individual wearing it, not a 3rd party insisting that they do) and the individual wearing it should have the autonomy to wear it or not. If someone told me I had to wear something I didn’t want to or didn’t believe in, then it becomes a vehicle of control for them over me. Yes, I’m told to dress a certain way at work but I’m not going to get arrested (or worse beaten) if I don’t. I’m not comparing the Hijab to work attire but as a white Man, this is perhaps the closest analogy I can offer to comprehend this predicament.

What followed with Mahsa Amini though is truly chilling. In short (and to save on too many horrific details), Mahsa Amini was beaten to death after incurring severe head trauma. Ms Amini was 22-years old.

The initial reason given for Ms Amini's death was a heart attack. This is quite a common response provided when Women or anyone are killed inPolice custody. Always an ‘underlying condition’, which ‘conveniently’ occurred while in the custody of what is supposed to be a system, which protects the public, not kidnaps them off the street and beats them to death for their own gratification. I’ve never read the Qu’ran, but I’m sure nowhere does it state that this is a means and methods of punishment for Hijab misplacement – if it does then this situation is a lot worse than first envisaged. I read an article recently that Iran is allegedly installing cameras to ID Women seen not wearing the Hijab, at which point a textwill be sent to them reminding them of the rules and the repercussions of not doing so. I’m intrigued to understand what the ‘repercussion’ description states.

Just to clarify, this isn’t some subtle attempt at sticking the boot in on the Middle East and their treatment of Women. Many humans are killed at the hands of others and Police forces across the world (George Floyd and Tyre Nichol’s, to name a few) but the focus of this blog is why Men feel the need to oppress Women and trying to understand what the problem with Man is.

The example of Mahsa Amini is one of the extreme cases of violence against Women, made worse by the fact there wasn’t even a motive (there would be no motive that would constitute such an outcome). This was an innocent young Woman who was ultimately in the wrong place at the wrong time and another victim of Irans Morality Police. There have been many protests for Women’ rights in Iran over the past year, pushing for equality and pushing back against the law to wear the Hijab amongst other oppressive laws only applied to Females. Everyday trivial things most of us (especially Men) take for granted are against the law for Women in so many Countries. What they wear, their right to education, their right to work, even the right to walk around freely on your own. They have to be granted permission to go anywhere and can’t even leave theCountry without a permit from a Male. I’ve heard some Women contest that they are ‘free’, as their Husband permits them anything they ask for but the entire definition of ‘freedom’ is that you make your own unilateral decisions.

I’ve lived in the Middle East and you need a permit for most things, (which was highly frustrating) but permission to leave the Country was never one of them and had that been the case I would never have gone there. I also worked with Colleague’s, who based on their nationality had to surrender their passport to Employers – again, as a European, I never had to do this. Given a passport is the PROPERTY of the issuing State with the holder being the custodian, how is it then legal that a 3rd Party then takes possession of it (it’s not by the way)? Why is it one rule for Europeans and another for say the Bangladeshi?

There’s often a need for Men to have power over Women, oppress them, mock them, see them as walking sex objects, there for the purpose of nothing other than a Man’s entertainment or victim. We often hear stories of Men being sexual predators and conducting coercive control over Women. My football team allegedly employs, such a man but it remains to be seen if he’ll actually play for them again.

It makes me think, why some Men feel the need to act this way toward Women. What is that initial urge that ignites this need? When that ‘Morality Policeman’ saw Ms Amini, what enraged him so much that he felt the need to arrest her and then have her beaten to death? Is this akin to the concept of why school Boys bully Girls they fancy by pulling their hair and lifting their skirt up to embarrass them? Is it a natural urge Men are born with, which is ‘typically’ trained out of us in some places but promoted in others? Some Religions and Countries have laws where Religion and Law are one and the same thing and therefore designate Women, as secondary to Men. For this, Boys are raised, as superiors to Women and given freedom, power and opportunities, whereas Women are expected to do as they are told and to provide Men with children(ideally Sons). As much as the Handmaids Tale is a ‘fictional’ story, it is a factual reflection of how Women (and LGBTQ+, divorcee’ and other non-Conservative individuals) are treated in many Countries across the World. How in any year (let alone 2023) does this treatment still happen?

My Son often makes me read him a book called ‘What a Wonderful World’, which is ultimately the lyrics to the song by Louis Armstrong. It’s a lovely little book and a great song but unfortunately in many cases simply not true. Perhaps if you are a white Man from Europe, USA, Australia or Canada but it can’t be said for everyone.

I further wonder what the overall goal of such Men is? Do they want to eradicate all Women from the planet? If so, why is that? Do Men have an inferior complex to Women that they won’t admit? If all Women are removed from the planet, what are we left with? A planet full of Men? Sounds horrific. Also given all Men came from a Woman, why is it that we treat them so bad? Is this akin to how a bully or an abuser needs a victim?

As great as it is when Countries, Companies, Industries promote Women to celebrate Female Presidents, Prime Ministers, CEOs or even Women working on Construction Sites or promoting the ‘Women’ Game’ in sports, it makes me sad that we even have to have such movements, as it should be irrelevant. Whether you’re a Woman, Man and regardless of ethnicity, it should be celebrated. We shouldn’t need to have groups and movements to push for equality; International Womens Day actually serves to highlight what a tragic World we live in.

I’d like to think that at some point in the future we will no longer need to have these conversations or hear of such horrifying stories but since we are still living, as we were in the 1700s in the year 2023 I’m far from optimistic. We still have many incidents of slavery, racism and Police brutality. We even have tabloid newspapers, such as Britain’ ‘The Sun’, giving Jeremy Clarkson a platform to write disgusting articles aboutMeghan Markle, with quotes such as "Meghan, though, is a different story. I hate her. Not like I hate Nicola Sturgeon or Rose West. I hate her on a cellular level. At night, I’m unable to sleep as I lie there, grinding my teeth and dreaming of the day when she is made to parade naked through the streets of every town in Britain while the crowds chant, ‘Shame!’ and throw lumps of excrement at her.” There’s one thing to dislike someone, maybe they are annoying or you don’t agree with their politics, but to take it to this level of hatred is at best barbaric.

This blog could be much, much longer with additions of many affiliated issues that frustrate me. I’ll likely have to write about this again in the not too distant future, as another story will come out about another incident, which has no place in time let alone the year 20-twenty whatever. I previously wrote about gun laws and the 2nd amendment and already I feel the need to follow that up since there has been more mass shootings than days in this calendar year in the US alone. So strap yourself in, my linguistic wrath is taking no respite but for now…’What Women Want’…FREEDOM!!!